The Power & Penalty of Humility

Leadership: Humility when not applied right can become a liability

Humility is often considered a very important trait for leaders to develop and practice. When we think of humble leaders, we think of really successful people who aren’t arrogant and stay down to earth. Some popular leaders who are known for their humility are Warren Buffet, Charlie Munger, Indra Nooyi, Satya Nadella, former President Barack Obama. Who comes to your mind when you think of humble people in your life?

The dictionary meaning of humility is “freedom from pride or arrogance: the quality or state of being humble” It is a great skill for leaders to learn as humble leaders build better performing and more happy teams.

However, sometimes, the same quality can become a liability when not practiced right or when it is confused with other traits. Have any of you ever been told that you should be less humble? I have been. There is a deep insight there. My humility was being perceived as a lack of confidence. I am confident in my abilities and I am considered a humble servant leader. However, because of how I talk and speak, I sometimes overdo things and can come across as somebody with low confidence. I realized that there needs to be a balance between confidence and humility. When humility is perceived as a lack of confidence it can become a liability.

Here are a few instances when this well-respected trait can work against you or how it might be limiting you.

1. Sometimes the same trait can be misunderstood or miss interpreted for various reasons. One such reason is people’s perception of success. If people perceive you to be smart, capable, successful, or associate any of the positive attributes with you, your humility will be perceived well. However, if they do not associate you with being successful already, your humility might be misunderstood as a lack of confidence, low self-esteem, or simply because you haven’t succeeded yet.

2. Humility can often make you underestimate yourself. In a research done on men and women it was found that “Despite evidence from cognitive psychology that men and women are equal in measured intelligence, gender differences in self-estimated intelligence (SEI) are widely reported with males providing systematically higher estimates than females. This has been termed the male hubris, female humility effect.” - Source here Pay attention to ensure that your humility doesn’t make you underestimate yourself.

3. Some people, like women or children in some cultures, are taught to not talk about their accomplishments. Humility is not an excuse for you to not talk about your accomplishments. If you don’t talk about what you have done, no one will know. Humility is being authentic by highlighting your accomplishments without bragging.

4. Building a personal brand or your voice as a thought leader can sometimes be misunderstood as overly touting yourself. For years, I believed the same. But I realized that sharing my voice does not compromise my humility.

5. In the name of humility, we sometimes downplay ourselves and what we have achieved. In 2019, I received an award as one of the “The Most Influential Women in Payments”. At the awards event, I was asked to speak on a panel. In response to a question, I completely downplayed my achievement by saying “If I can get this award anybody can” Under that statement, I had the belief that most people who have the willingness and resources to do good work, can and will achieve success. But by making that statement without sharing the underlying thinking, I not only downplayed my unique capabilities and hard work that got me the recognition but in a way, I also downplayed my sponsors who put my name forward for the award and the people who selected my name from amongst many submissions.

   

In my research on this topic I found this quote by Rick Warren that I loved - “Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. Humility is thinking more of others.”

Tips to avoid humility becoming a liability which in turn penalizes your career.

1. Don’t confuse between confidence and humility. Share your thoughts, ideas, voice, and accomplishments. Think of it as information sharing and not bragging and do it in a respectful manner.

2. Don’t downplay yourself, your voice, or your accomplishments. Think about how you would speak about your best friend if they succeeded at something? You won’t downplay them. So don’t do that for yourself too.

3. Don't put yourself down or make self-degrading statements to help others feel better. Avoid statements like “ You are so smart and talented that you could easily do my job”, and “Thank you for seeing my potential and giving me this job. If not for you, I am not sure what I would be doing” You might think this is genuine praise but it can not seem genuine and it also puts yourself down.

4. Avoid saying sorry for everything. I do and I am trying to work on it. My manager and my team help me by reminding me to not say sorry for everything. Of course, we have to apologize for our mistakes but some of us have a chronic issue of saying sorry. Saying sorry is not a symbol of humility.

5. If you see anybody else do the same then do take the time to help them become aware of how their words or actions might be affecting their image negatively and how their seemingly humble actions might be a liability.

What other tips do you have to ensure humility becomes your asset and not a liability?